How to Help When a Friend Suffers a Miscarriage or Stillbirth

We often are asked, "My friend/sister/daughter/etc just experienced a miscarriage, what can I do to help her?" Often times people tend to stay away because of not knowing what to do and not wanting to upset or offend them. So here are some things you can do to support a loved one experiencing a loss of a pregnancy or child:

Be there for them. Many grieving parents tend to keep to themselves, so making an effort to call and check-in, visiting and just letting them know that you are there if they need you can be a good source of support.

Affirm their loss. A miscarriage whether it's early or later in the pregnancy can be a source of lasting grief for a couple. It may seem easier to not talk about it or make mention of it but simply acknowledging it can be a source of comfort.

Don't feel like you have to "fix it" or try and make them feel better. Grieving the loss of a pregnancy or child takes time and is a process. Somedays are better and somedays are worse. Allowing for their ups and downs can be very validating to a person while they are grieving their loss.

Be a listening ear. Listening can alleviate the stress of not knowing what to say. You don't have to be their therapist just a friend and confidant. Most often, a mother just wants someone that is willing to listen to stories about their baby, show pictures, share their loss and feelings, etc.

Ask the parents if you can help by providing dinners, grocery shopping, laundry, or errands. They may have other children that need to be taken to or from activities or school that you could help out with.

Participate in commemorating the baby. Some families choose to have a funeral or memorial service or have a grief journal or memory box. Ask if there are any ways you help with preparations for their service.

How have you helped your friend or family member through a miscarriage or stillbirth?